What it’s like to be a bottom (Gay Relationships) | Patrick Marano
What it’s like to be a bottom (Gay Relationships) | Patrick Marano
Introduction
Welcome to another episode of Pats and Cris, a show where we discuss gay dating. In this episode, we will explore the language used to describe bottoms, why it is problematic, and why it needs to stop.
The Negative Perception of Bottoms
Bottoms often get a bad rap in the gay community. They are sometimes associated with negative stereotypes such as being messy, nelly, passive, feminine, and submissive. It is interesting how being a total bottom is seen as negative, while being a total top is generally accepted.
Historical Portrayal of Bottoms
From a young age, many gay boys learn about sex and relationships. Historically, bottoms have been portrayed as feminine, small, weak, submissive, and not in control. This portrayal sends a message that being a bottom is not as good as being a top.
Pornography and its Influence
While porn can be entertaining, it is not something to model our lives after. Unfortunately, it often reinforces the idea that one partner has to take on the « female » role in a same-sex relationship. This perpetuates the notion that two men together cannot fit into traditional gender roles.
Internalized Homophobia
As gay men, we need to reflect on why we perpetuate these stereotypes and labels. Many of us have internalized homophobia due to childhood trauma. We reject anything feminine because it goes against the image of what we believe masculinity should be. This internalized homophobia prevents us from accepting and embracing every part of ourselves.
Learning to Love Ourselves
The journey to self-acceptance and love starts within. It is crucial for us to learn to love ourselves and accept every part of our identities, including our sexuality. By doing so, we can break free from these ridiculous labels placed on bottoms.
Conclusion
Bottoms play an important role in gay relationships. It is time for us to drop these negative stereotypes and labels. Without bottoms, we would not have the diversity and richness that comes with different sexual preferences. Let’s learn to love ourselves and embrace all aspects of our identities. Keep dating and having fun!
(Note: The article is based on the transcribed video and does not include personal references such as « we » or « I ».)
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