The Saddest Sibling Rivalry of All Time – Key & Peele

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# The Saddest Sibling Rivalry of All Time – Key & Peele

## The Announcement
– It is so good to see you, Keith.
– Yeah, we usually have to wait for a special occasion.
– Actually, I have a little surprise.
– I got engaged.
– Oh. (laughs) – Oh. (laughs)
– (claps) Whoo-hoo, yes, wow.
– Congratulations, little bro.
– Engaged, kind of a big deal.
– She got a name?
– Stephanie.

## The Reactions
– Marriage is a wonderful journey.
– 50% end in divorce.
– Sorry bro, them’s just the facts.
– I will keep that in mind, thank you.
– You got a photo?
– Oh yeah.
– AKA does she exist?
– There you go.
– (whistles) Mm, ha-ha.
– (gasps) Oh, she’s beautiful.
– Let me get eyes on this.
– Everybody else already has.
– Great lighting.
– Airbrush?
– No.

## The Banter
– She kinda looks like that one model on The Price is Right.
– Yes, that’s her.
– The Price is Right? Clive, that’s your show.
– Shut up, Ma.
– No it’s not.
– Oh yeah, Stephanie.
– People always underbid on her showcases.
– Not the best presenter.
– Where’s the wedding?
– In Hawaii.
– Ooh.
– Oh-ho-ho, whoa. (claps)
– Awesome, hoo-hoo, (speaks in foreign language).
– She ever been married before?
– No.
– So she says.
– Ex-boyfriend, she got one?
– Of course.
– Sloppy seconds, at least, right Dad?
– Keith, she sounds wonderful.
– Thank you Mom.
– Shut up, Ma.
– Silence from you.
– You’re cut off from talking.

## The Confrontation
– You know what, Clive?
– I really don’t appreciate the way that you’re talking to Mom.
– (Clive claps and laughs)
– Yes, yes.
– The prodigal son has returned.
– You want to go, let’s go.
– Because I’ve been here for the last 15 years taking care of Mom and Dad while you’ve been trollopsing all over the world and why?
– So you can come back here, criticize me for how I treat them?
– No, I actually came here to ask you if you would do me the honor of being my Best Man.
– I know that we have had our differences, but you’re my older brother.
– We’ll pay for your room, and we’re also gonna rent you a car.
– And we’ll pay to fly you out there.
– First class?
– Well, we can’t afford first class.
– Well, (bleep) you.
– You’re dead to me.
– Why?
– I’m eating in my room.
– Well, that went better than expected.
– Yeah.

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