Bad Boy’s Porn Problem (« Bad Boy » Episode 6)
# Scott’s Dilemma: To Do or Not to Do Porn
## A Chance Encounter
There. It’s perfect! I’m so glad I ran into you. I have no idea how I would have gotten this inside. Well, I’ve been following you for a while, so I was just finally happy to have a reason to talk to you.
## Regrets and Reflections
Love the couch. Although, I’d wait a few days to, like, sit on it just so it can get used to its new home. Yeah, I think I’ll go ahead and sit on it, but No problemo, Daddy. Scott. Daddy Scott. You can go now. Actually… can I talk to you for a second?
## Unveiling Past Regrets
Sorry. I was just sort of tangled up with a guy and my life is just getting back to normal. What happened to him? Uh… I heard he married an actress in India. He might’ve actually been Nick Jonas. Ah, that’s where I’m from. India? Well, India-nuh. India-nuh? It’s a state? Indiana? You’re saying it wrong, but whatever. I was just wondering if you–had regrets. You psycho.
## The Porn Dilemma
You wanna know about me? Huh! Well, that’s new. Well, yeah, sure. When I was a kid–No, don’t!! Give her time. Anyway… When I was a kid, I was a huge ABBA fan–Gay. Yeah. And, uh, I really wanted to see them in concert–Gay. Yeah. But, uh, I thought they never came to America, but apparently they did! And they were just two cities away, but I didn’t go ’cause I was just an infant, but I so regret that I wasn’t there. I think about it almost every day. Gay. Yeah. Why? Are you regretting something?
## The Decision
Well, when I was a kid, my cousin Jim hid my blankie…so I roofied him and I took him 30 miles into the woods and I left him there and he didn’t come back for, like, two years, and by the time he came back, he forgot how to speak English, and he was speaking this weird forest language. It was like a combination between a bear and a cricket. It was like [weird sounds]. And nobody could understand him. And my mom was pissed because, like, he used to do the beer runs ’cause even though he was 8, he looked like he was 21. It’s possible he was 21 and Mom just forgot ’cause, uh, she literally forgets everything. Yeah, but yeah, he couldn’t say the words « Miller Lite », so…he was kind of a disappointment to everyone. So you regret doing that to your cousin? Nah, dude. I regret that he became super famous because of it. He became known as the « Forest Boy of India-nuh ». That’s not how you say it. Anyway, cut to now, I think I’ve been hired to do a porn and I’m not sure about it. You’re sitting on the couch. She ready. Porn, huh? Oh! That’s why you’re asking about regrets! Well, I just don’t wanna have what happened with my cousin happen again. I shoulda buried him. You’re not sure whether or not you’re doing porn? Well, it’s hard to tell these days, you know what I mean? Enh, there’s usually a pretty clear determining factor. I just wanna make the right decision. Okay, well, what’s the job exactly? Well, I’m naked, and this dude’s lathering lotion all over my body. Like, everywhere. And then he’s gonna wait and watch to see if I break out into hives. Wait, what? Yeah, I thought that was weird, too, but then I was like, « Well, everybody’s got a fetish. » Right? I think that’s product testing. I mean, unless the other guy is naked, too. He’s in a hazmat suit. Yeah, probably not a porn. I think you’re good. Aww. That sucks! Oh, I’m sorry, baby. I thought you were gonna be like, « Dude! That’s totally a porn! » And I was gonna be like, « Sweet! » Why does nothing go my way? You were hoping it was porn? Duh. Weren’t you? I mean, that concept wouldn’t really do it for me, but…people are usually hoping they’re not doing porn. I don’t think so. Nobody ever regrets doing porn. I think you should do a Google search. Anytime I go up to a guy and I’m like, « Hey, I watched your porn! Dude, you were awesome », they’re like, « Thanks! » or « I didn’t know my ex was recording us. That bastard! » Why do you wanna do porn? A, I’d be awesome at it. Obviously. And G, I just want my family to be proud. I think you got it reversed again. Although, you know what? You’ll probably tell me why I’m wrong. Cousin Jim is kind of the star of the family because he did a porno based on being the Forest Boy and my aunt always rubs it in my mom’s face that her son is on the cover of a DVD while I’m only on a flyer telling you what happens when you don’t use condoms. I just wanna take that stupid movie and shove it in his stupid face over and over again! Which actually is what happens to him a lot in that movie. Not that I watched it. I watched it. You know, instead of doing porn, why don’t you find something that you’re good at that you’re cousin’s not and then do that. Then he can be jealous! What else you good at? Slipping roofies. No. Hiding evidence. Eating candy. No. What else is there?! Don’t you do, like, music? Oh, yeah! My songs! [singing] Just ’cause he’s your cousin Doesn’t mean that you can’t see What he’s been hidin’ In dem skinny jeans There’s gotta be something else. Oh, I know! I could make a porno with you! Huh? Yeah, it’d be like a Daddy/Son thing. Guys are totally into that. No no no no no no no no no no no no maybe no. I’d be like, « Where’d the remote go? » « It’s not here! » No, it’s definitely not floating in mid-air. Do you have it, Daddy? Scott. Daddy Scott. Get away from me. It’ll drive my cousin crazy. He’ll hate you! You’ll have to put some extra locks on your doors. I’m not doing a porno with you. Dude, you seem kinda sheltered. I’m not sheltered! Your biggest regret was not going to an ABBA concert. They had a big impact on me. Sheltered. Oh, okay, so I’ll do a porno. Yay! No! This is insane! But you said you were gonna help me. Never said that. Exact opposite actually. Aw, man, this is so typical. It’s just like the time I asked Chris Pine for an autograph but when I took my pants off, he suddenly couldn’t find a pen. I’m just saying you’re enough! Don’t worry about what your cousin did. Just do you. Oh, you mean like a solo thing? No, just be you. Don’t worry about him. But he took my blankie. I had…
## Conclusion
In the end, Scott faces a decision about whether to pursue a career in porn or explore other talents. As he navigates through his past regrets and family dynamics, he must ultimately choose a path that will make him proud. Will Scott follow his heart and take a chance on the unknown, or will he find fulfillment in a different endeavor? The choice is his to make.
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